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The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative.
SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARD Well? OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK Oh, that's great. Really. DONKEY Man, it's good to be free. SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly. DONKEY Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK Why are you following me? DONKEY I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith... SHREK Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. DONKEY Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really tall? SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY Nope. SHREK Really? DONKEY Really, really. SHREK Oh. DONKEY Man, I like you. What's you name? SHREK Uh, Shrek. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? SHREK That would be my home. DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you? SHREK I like my privacy. DONKEY You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. (awkward silence) Can I stay with you? SHREK Uh, what? DONKEY Can I stay with you, please? SHREK (sarcastically) Of course! DONKEY Really? SHREK No. DONKEY Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. (pause while he looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! SHREK Okay! Okay! But one night only. DONKEY Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage) SHREK What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto a chair.) No! No! DONKEY This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. SHREK Oh! DONKEY Where do, uh, I sleep? SHREK (irritated) Outside! DONKEY Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me... SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff. SHREK (to Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside. DONKEY (from the window) I am outside. There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table. BLIND MOUSE1 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? BLIND MOUSE2 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. GORDO (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed. SHREK Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.) GORDO I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's ear) SHREK Ow! GORDO Blah! Awful stuff. BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you, Gordo? GORDO How did you know? SHREK Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house? (He gets bumped from behind and he drops the mice.) Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. DWARF Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. SHREK Huh? Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at him. BIG BAD WOLF What? TIME LAPSE Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door. SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? (He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, no. No! No! The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc. SHREK What are you doing in my swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.) Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a tent. SHREK All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey) DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us. SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK (flabbergasted) By who? LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice. SHREK (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers. DONKEY Oh, I do. I know where he is. SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? DONKEY Me! Me! SHREK Anyone? DONKEY Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! SHREK (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! (Pause. Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) You! You're comin' with me. DONKEY All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! DONKEY (singing) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again. SHREK What did I say about singing? DONKEY Can I whistle? SHREK No. DONKEY Can I hum it? SHREK All right, hum it. Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'. DULOC - KITCHEN A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. FARQUAAD That's enough. He's ready to talk. The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. FARQUAAD (he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster. FARQUAAD I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's eye.) FARQUAAD I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons) GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. FARQUAAD All right then. Who's hiding them? GINGERBREAD MAN Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man. FARQUAAD Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she's married to the muffin man. FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man! FARQUAAD She's married to the muffin man. The door opens and the Head Guard walks in. HEAD GUARD My lord! We found it. FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic Mirror. GINGERBREAD MAN (in awe) Ohhhh... FARQUAAD Magic mirror... GINGERBREAD MAN Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks him up and dumps him into a trash can with a lid.) No! FARQUAAD Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? MIRROR Well, technically you're not a king. FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist.) You were saying? MIRROR What I mean is you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. FARQUAAD Go on. MIRROR (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. (shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows picture of Snow White) And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows picture of Princess Fiona) So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! FARQUAAD Three? One? Three? THELONIUS Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh, number three! MIRROR Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go... MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. FARQUAAD I'll do it. MIRROR Yes, but after sunset... FARQUAAD Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. (smiles evilly) DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high. DONKEY But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. SHREK So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. DONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place. SHREK Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.) DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. MAN Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. SHREK Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - (He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.) DULOC They look around but all is quiet. SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this! Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing. WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect place. Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture. DONKEY Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever again) SHREK (grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No. They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena. FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself... As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. SHREK All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. DONKEY Sorry about that. FARQUAAD That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (cheers) Let the tournament begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It's hideous! SHREK (turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice to say that Shrek kicks butt. DONKEY Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. SHREK Yeah! A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him. WOMAN The chair! Give him the chair! Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild. SHREK Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs) The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek. HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order, sir? FARQUAAD No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! SHREK What? FARQUAAD Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. SHREK Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. FARQUAAD Your swamp? SHREK Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. SHREK Exactly the way it was? FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. SHREK And the squatters? FARQUAAD As good as gone. SHREK What kind of quest? Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion. DONKEY Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? SHREK You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. DONKEY I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. SHREK Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? DONKEY Uh, no, not really, no. SHREK For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. DONKEY Example? SHREK Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. (he holds out his onion) DONKEY (sniffs the onion) They stink? SHREK Yes - - No! DONKEY They make you cry? SHREK No! DONKEY You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. SHREK No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he heaves a sigh and then walks off) DONKEY (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. SHREK I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. DONKEY You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. SHREK No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. DONKEY Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. SHREK You know, I think I preferred your humming. DONKEY Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem, so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out. DRAGON'S KEEP Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano. DONKEY (sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. SHREK Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close. DONKEY Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding. SHREK Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. (laughs...then the laugh turns into a groan) DONKEY Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? SHREK Oh, aye. DONKEY Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. SHREK Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. DONKEY You know what I mean. SHREK You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. DONKEY No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! SHREK Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. DONKEY Really? SHREK Really, really. DONKEY Okay, that makes me feel so much better. SHREK Just keep moving. And don't look down. DONKEY Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. (he steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down into the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! SHREK But you're already halfway. DONKEY But I know that half is safe! SHREK Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. DONKEY Shrek, no! Wait! SHREK Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? (bounces and sways the bridge) DONKEY Don't do that! SHREK Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces the bridge again) DONKEY Yes, that! SHREK Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge) DONKEY No, Shrek! No! Stop it! SHREK You said do it! I'm doin' it. DONKEY I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground) Oh! SHREK That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks towards the castle) DONKEY Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? SHREK Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. (chuckles) DONKEY I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. INSIDE THE CASTLE DONKEY You afraid? SHREK No. DONKEY But... SHREK Shh. DONKEY Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. SHREK Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. DONKEY Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. SHREK (putting on a helmet) The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. DONKEY What makes you think she'll be there?
[male voice clears throat] Now, where to begin? [clicks tongue] How 'bout, "Once upon a time"? [door slams] How many times have you heard that to begin a story? Let's do somethin' else. [gasps] I got it, I got it, here we go. Here's how to open a movie! [singing in African language] No, I don't think so. It sounds familiar. Doesn't it, to you? Oh, no, no, not the book. How many have seen "opening the book" before? - [brakes screech] - Close the book. We're not doing that. Here's what we're gonna do. Here's what we're gonna do. Why don't I just go back to the day things took a turn for the worse? Run for your Iives! Everyone run for cover! SOS! Mayday! Mayday! Code red! Duck and cover! You're all in danger! - Ah! - [babies crying] [grunting] [Chicken Little] Run for cover! [steer bellows] - Run for your Iives! - [squealing] - [ringing] - [siren wails] Emergency! Emergency! [screaming] Whoa! - Whoa! - Aaah! [babies crying] Look out! Take cover! [# Raiders of the Lost Ark Theme] [car horns honking] [screaming] [Chicken Little] Run for cover! [coughs] Chicken Little! What is it? What's going on? The sky is falling! The sky is falling! - The sky is falling? - Are you crazy? No, no, no! It's true! Come with me! No. Son? What? It happened under the old oak tree! I'm not making this up. It's here. [stammering] There's a piece of the sky somewhere... ...somewhere on the ground. It was shaped Iike that! - It Iooks Iike a stop sign? - Yes! Only it doesn't say "stop" and it's blue and it has a cloud on it. And it hit me on the head! - It Iooked Iike a stop sign. - Wait! What's that? - Son, is this what hit you? - What? Oh, no, Dad. It was definitely a piece of the sky! Piece of the sky. It's OK, everyone! - Dad, no. - There's been, Iike, a Iittle mistake. It was just an acorn that-that hit my son. A Iittle acorn. - No! Dad, no. - Quiet, son. This is embarrassing enough already. Chicken Little! What were you thinkin'? Why put your town's safety in jeopardy? How could you mistake a stop sign for an acorn? - But it... a big acorn Ievel fluh. - What did he say? - A big acorn Ievel fluh... - [reporter 2] It was a big acorn? - [reporter 3] An ape throwing coleslaw? - A big acorn Ievel fluh... [man] Gesundheit! Ladies and gentlemen, it's just gibberish, - gibberish of an insane person. - Come on, Buck! Your kid went and scared us all half to death! Well, what can I tell you, folks, my son, you know... Kids do crazy stuff. You have kids. It's... No, Dad. It wasn't an acorn. It was... it was a piece of the sky. Really, it was. You gotta believe me. [chuckling] A movie. A movie. They're makin' a movie. When? When will everybody forget your big mistake? When? When will everybody forget your big mistake? First it was all over the papers, then they wrote a book about it, then the book on tape, then the board game, the spoons with your face on it... ...and the Web site, the commemorative plates. ...and the Web site, the commemorative plates. - You saw them, right? - Yeah. I saw them. Can't eat off 'em. - They're not microwave-safe. - You saw the billboards? I saw them. Ha! There's a bumper sticker. I knew it was only a matter of time. Billboards I could Iive with. Posters I could even Iive with. But a bumper sticker. It's... it's Iike glued on forever. It doesn't matter. You know why? Because I've got a plan. Yeah, about that. Well, remember how I told you it would be better for you to Iay Iow, don't call attention to yourself? - Yes, but I... - See, it's Iike a game. Yeah, a game of hide-and-seek, except the goal is never to be found, ever! - [stammering] - Great! [chuckles] Now, we've got a plan, right? I'II see ya Iater! Remember, Iay Iow. Yeah. OK. Bye. Look, Mama! There's the crazy chicken! Yes, it is! Crazy chicken. You're so smart. We don't make eye contact. Bye! That's it. Today is a new day. - [brakes squeaking] - [honks horn] [Iaughing and cheering] [# Barenaked Ladies: One Little Slip] # It was a recipe for disaster # A four-course meal of "No sirree" # It seemed that happily ever after [horn honking] # Was happy everyone was after me # It was a cup of good intentions # A tablespoon of one big mess # A dash of overreaction # A dash of overreaction # And I assume you know the rest # And I assume you know the rest # One little slip # One little slip # It was a fusion of confusion # With a few confounding things # I guess I probably took the wrong direction [snorts] # Well I admit I might've missed a sign or two # I took a right turn at confusion # A left when I should've gone straight on through # I ran ahead with my assumptions # And we all know what that can do # One little slip # One little slip # It was a fusion of confusion # And a few confounding things # I get the feeling in this town I'll never live 'til I live down # The one mistake that seems to follow me around # But they'll forget about the sky When they all realize # This guy's about to try to learn to fly # Or hit the ground [school bell ringing] How's it going? # It was a cup of good intentions # A tablespoon of one big mess # A dash of overreaction # And I assume you know the rest [screaming] # One little slip # One little slip # It was a humble little stumble # With a big ungraceful # One little slip # One little slip # It was a fusion of confusion with a few confounding things # - [rattling] - [banging] [Chicken Little sighing] [scraping] - [bell ringing] - [students chattering] Ahem. - Very well. Foxy Loxy. - Present, pretty, punctual. - Goosey Loosey. - [squeals] Master Runt of the Litter. Present and accounted for, Mr. Woolensworth. Oop! Dropped my pencil! [straining] Whoa! Ahh! - Loser! - Henny Penny. - Here. - Ducky Lucky. - Here. - Fuzzy Wuzzy. - Here. - Morkubine Porcupine. - Yo. - Fish Out of Water. [bubbling] [muffled reply] [clicks tongue] Quite. Abby Mallard. Ugly duckling. [Iaughing] CIass! I will not tolerate rude behavior - at the expense of a fellow... - [Abby] No worries, Mr. Woolensworth. - Yah! - [horn honks] You mustn't sneak up on me, Ugly... uh, Abby. - Where was I? - Ugly duckling. Oh, yes. - Chicken Little. - [squeals] [Woolensworth] Hmm. - [coughing] Tardy again. - Tardy again. Hmm. CIass, turn to page 62 and translate each word in Mutton. - [clears throat] He. - [class] Baa. - She. - Baa. - They. - Baa. - We. - Baa. [male voice] OK, everyone. Listen up! [male voice] OK, everyone. Listen up! I don't wanna hear any quacks, tweets, oinks, whinnies or cocklee-doodle-doos when I say... dodgeball. [cheering] Oh, man. Pump it up! Pump it, pump it, pump it! Split into two teams. Popular versus unpopular. - Coach? - Yeah, unpopular? Shouldn't we review safety guidelines? Sure! Hit the pig, kids! Aaah! [screaming] Look out! Calm down, Runt. Just... Just do what Fish is doing. [# C & C Music Factory: Gonna Make You Sweat] # Everybody dance now # - [footsteps] - Whew! - Tough morning? - A run-in with my old nemesis. - Gum in the crosswalk? - He won this round. - Your old foe! - Mm-hmm. - Incoming on your right. - Thank you! [braying] Aah! [Iaughing] [blubbering] Yeah, I heard about the movie. Tough break. - Yeah. - Maybe it'II just go straight to video. That's the Ieast of my problems. This morning... this morning my dad told me I should basically disappear. But that's not gonna get me down. I've got a plan. You want to hear about it? - Uh-oh. - No, no, no! This one's good. Look, one moment destroyed my Iife, right? One moment. - Warthog at 3':00! - I see him! - [ball thumps] - [warthog squeals] - Yes! - So I figure all I need is a chance... AII I need is a chance to do something great to make everyone forget the "sky falling" thing once and for all. And then my dad'II finally have a reason to be proud of me. [coach] Time out! [snickering] Nurse! [dialing] - Hi, Tiffany! - Hey, man, what's goin' on? So, what do you think? OK, Iisten. You said the sky was falling. - Your dad didn't support you. - I... And you have been hurting inside ever since, right? - It's hurt. It stung. OK? - It's hurt, but... Yes. - That's the nutshell. - OK. Yes, but... - No. Buh-buh... - But, it's... What's got to happen now is the nut needs to be cracked open. And not one Iittle chip at a time, but... bam! Smash! Bits of emotion flying everywhere! Anger! Frustration! Denial! Fear! Deep depression, in fact! You see what I'm saying? Uh... AII right, forget the nut part. Here's the main thing. You have got to stop messing around, and deal with the problem. - OK, yes, but... - Here's the real solution. You and your dad talk-talk-talking... closure! - CIosure? - CIosure, talking about something until it's resolved. Wait! Hold on! See? Look. There's a whole section about it in this month's Modern Mallard. - Incredibly appropriate! - I told you, I have a plan. Yeah, but according to Cosmo Duck, you should "stop the squawk and try the talk." Beautiful Duckling says, "Avoiding closure with your parents can cause early molting." - See? CIosure. - [sighing] [Abby] Repeat after me. You, your dad, talk-talk... [Chicken Little] Abby, Iisten! Talking's a waste of time. I got to do something great so my dad doesn't think I'm such a Ioser. Come on. You are not a Ioser. You're inventive and resourceful and funny and cute and... What? [chuckling, stammering] Yeah... uh, Runt! Should Chicken Little have a good talk with his dad and clear the air or keep searching for Band-Aid solutions and never deal with the problem? Band-Aid solutions! - Runt! - Well, I'm sorry! I'm very bad at reading facial cues. [sighs] Fish, help me out here. - [muffled yells] - [water sloshing] Men. 'Twas beauty that killed the beast. I guess only girls are good at honest communication and sensitivity. [class Iaughing] That does it! We were in a time-out, Foxy! Prepare to hurt. And I don't mean emotionally, Iike I do. - [snaps] - [gasps] [honks] Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! - Whoa! - [class gasping] [class Iaughing] - [gasping] - We will save you! Fall back! Mad goose! - [fire alarm ringing] - [gasping] [coach] Chicken Little! [principal] Not showing up for class, inappropriate school attire, [principal] Not showing up for class, inappropriate school attire, picking fights in gym class and the fire alarm? Ever since that "sky falling" incident, he's been nothing but trouble! [sighing] Now Iook, Buck. You know I have the utmost respect for you. I mean, you were Buck "Ace" CIuck, - our school baseball star. - [bat hits ball, faintly] [sighs] But Iet's face the facts. Your kid, he's nothing Iike you at all. [Buck] OK. Thank you for talking to me. I'II take care of my son. I... Dad, it wasn't my fault. - It was Foxy. She's always... - AII right. It's fine. You don't have to explain anything. Uh... Uh... Hey, Dad? [clears throat] I was thinkin'. Yeah, what if I...? What if...? What if I joined the baseball team? [man] Hey, why don't you watch where you're going?! Sorry, there, buddy! Sorry, sorry. Baseball? Son, we talked about this. Yeah, right. But, you know, that was when I was small. I put on five ounces this year. I've really bulked up. Really, son? Baseball. Are you sure? Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, hey, why not, right? - Yeah, why not, but why? - Well, Dad, you were such a big baseball star in high school. You could give me some pointers. But, son, you know, I'm just wondering... Maybe baseball isn't exactly your thing, you know? Have you considered the chess team or the glee club? And some teenagers, you know, they get quite a rush from stamp collecting. - No. - Wanna stop? We'II get some stamps. - I don't Iike stamps. - Colors, colorful things... No, I was thinkin' baseball! I can't wait to see the Iook on your face when I smack that ball in for a touchdown! - [Iaughing] - [sighing] Dad... Um, I'm kidding. That was a... that was a joke. - [chuckles] - [chuckles] Just do me one favor, son. Why, sure, Dad. Anything. Just please try not to get your hopes too high. Yeah, but Dad, I mean, I... I mean, I think I can... [grunts, Iaughs] I... [stammering] OK, Dad. [# Five for Fighting: All I Know] # I bruise you # You bruise me # We both bruise so # Easily # Too easily # To let it show # I love you # And that's all I know [sighing] Oh, Chloe. If only you were here. You'd know what to do. # And all my plans # Keep fallin' through # All my plans, they [Iaughter] # Depend on you # Depend on you # To help them grow # I love you - That's my boy! - Gee, thanks, Dad! # And that's all # It's really all I know # It's all I know Come on. AII I need is a chance. # It's all # I know # - [bat cracks] - [crowd cheering] [# Patti LaBelle and Joss Stone: Stir It Up] # Yeah # Ohh # I can't sit here while I go nowhere # Chase my dreams through the polluted air # Chase my dreams through the polluted air # I'm walking on a wire # I'm walking on a wire # Running out of time # There's no room in this ol' heart of mine # Hungry minds just stare you in the eyes # Spread it thick and lay the biggest lies # Words jump off the pages # Passion hits the street # Anger's cooking in the city heat # World's too crazy I can 't take no more # I won 't stay here locked behind the door # Got to stir it up # I got to break it up now # When I think about tomorrow # Ooh, I can 't wait to # Stir it up Got to shake it up now # If I have to beg or borrow # If I have to beg or borrow # I'm not gonna take it anymore # Oh-oh oh-ohh-oh oh-ohh-oh Come on # Oh-oh oh-ohh-oh oh-ohh-oh Come on # So much pressure to keep holding on # Whoa # Pack my clothes up baby # I'll be gone # Stir it up Got to break it up now # When I think about tomorrow # When I think about tomorrow # I can't wait to Stir it up # I can't wait to Stir it up # I got to shake it up now # If I have to beg or borrow # If I have to beg or borrow # I'm not gonna take it no more # Lean to the left Lean to the right C'mon Acorns Fight, fight, fight! Go, Acorns! [gurgling, screaming] [announcer] There's excitement in the air, Iadies and gentlemen. It's been two decades since Oakey Oaks has beaten rivals the Spud Valley Taters. Down by only a single run, and with a player in scoring position, we finally have a chance again. This excitement isn't about the fun of baseball, it's not about the prize. It's about gloating and rubbing their noses in it, the "Nah-nah-na-na-na! We beat you!" taunting, if you will, - that comes with the winning. - Yeah! That's right. Oakey Oaks and the Honorable Mayor Turkey Lurkey will finally have bragging rights again for one full year! [chuckling, muttering] But this battle has taken a heavy toll on our hometown heroes. After nine grueling innings and several players out with injuries, the Acorns are scraping the bottom of the roster. Hopefully, there's just enough muscle on the bench to pull out a win. Up next... [shuddering] Chicken Little. - [crowd groaning] - [crying] [announcer] CIearly a Iong shot, folks. Little hasn't been up to bat once since joining the team. - He's gonna Iose the game for us! - [announcer] Wait! If he can get a walk and advance to first, that powerhouse Foxy Loxy can step up and save us all. She's had a terrific game so far. A shoo-in for the MVP trophy. OK, kid, Iisten up. You have an itty-bitty, teeny-tiny strike zone. There's no way he can throw you out! Take the walk. Don't swing. - I have a good feeling... - Look at me. Don't swing. Take the walk. You hear me? Just take the walk! - But, coach, wait! - Don't swing! [announcer] Nervous, gangly, barely able to hold the pine, Little advances to the box. He's going to bat from the right. Make it the Ieft. No, the right. - The right. - Easy out! [announcer] Left field's found something better to do, center field's got a hunger pang in his second stomach - and right field's digging for grubs. - PIay ball! [cheetah] Why him? Why now? [sobbing] I won't embarrass you, Dad. Not this time. [announcer] Here's the wind-up, the pitch! It's a high cutter. - Ball! - [grunting] - [gasping] - [groaning] Uh... Strike one! [Iaughing] I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I've seen roadkill with faster reflexes. The catcher Iays down the signals. Here's the pitch. Curve ball Iow and outside, he swings! Stee-rike two! Ohh! I said, don't swing! [crowd] Don't swing! - No! - Batter up! [crowd yelling] That's two in the hole! One more strike, it's a punch out, folks, and we're all going home. [whispering] Today is a new day. [slow-motion] Don't swing! - [gasping] - [gasping] Well, take away my squeaky toy! It's a hit! - A hit? - A hit? [crowd] A hit? [announcer] The batter is unbelievably at home plate. He's standing in a daze. Run, kid, run! Go, son! Run! Run! [crowd yelling] Run! [announcer] There he goes, the wrong way. - Wait, wait, wait! - No, no! Not that way! - Run the other way! - Turn around! [announcer] He's turned! I've never said these words before, but he's actually rounding home plate! - Goosey steps on home... - [Chicken Little] A new day! [announcer] A tie game! They're scrambling in the alley. Looks Iike Rodriguez has it. Nope, it's the center fielder! Mayhem in the outfield, as Rodriguez is fired to second. [blubbering] Catch is complete, but where's the ball? Little touches the bag and keeps going. A hunt for the rock. The fielders are having trouble. Commotion out there! - It's stuck! It's stuck! - Tip the cow! [announcer] It's the old tip-the-cow play. He heads for the hot corner, a stand-up triple! - Yes! - [announcer] Hold up! No! He's going for the whole enchilada! The ball of wax, kit and caboodle! Go back! You're never gonna make it! - [mooing] - [announcer] Tries to Iighten his Ioad! The outfield behind, Little's on all cylinders! He slides for the dish! It's going to be a photo finish at home! [gasping] [coughing] [bellows] [umpire] You're out! [gasping] [bubbling] [announcer] Oh, folks. Folks, what a heartbreaker. - [umpire] Wait! - [announcer] Wait! Wait a cotton-picking second. Hold your horses, here, and horses hold your breath. This might not be over. He... He's... Safe! The runner is safe! [announcer] It's all over, folks! The Acorns have done the impossible! For the first time in 20 years, we won the pennant! Mothers, kiss your babies! You've witnessed a miracle! Remember where you were at this moment. The smells! The sounds! There's a new winner in town and his name is Chicken Little! That was just a Iucky hit! [announcer] Yes, Chicken Little, it's all yours! The victory, the triumph, the glory! And getting doused with a sticky drink that soaks into your undies and chafes for hours! This is one memory you'II savor forever! [gurgling] [Abby] Yeah! - [Abby] Yeah! - [Runt] Yeah! Yes, yes, yes! We won! We won! That's my boy out there! That's my boy! # I am the champion My friend # And I'll keep on fightin' till the end [imitating guitar riff] # I am the champion # I am the champion # But gone is the loser # 'Cause I am the champion # Of the world # - [car alarms blaring] - Yow! - [knock on door] - Here's the wind-up and the pitch! - A knuckleball! - He swings! - Crack! - It's going. - He rounds first, to second! - Hits high off the wall! He flies past third and heads for the plate! It's a scramble for the ball! It's gonna be close! - He is safe! - [both cheering] - The mighty Acorns win! - Yes! Acorns win! The mighty Acorns win! - Yeah! - [whooping] - [Iaughing] - [chuckling] - [sighing] - [yawning] Jeez, you know, I guess that puts the whole "sky is falling" incident behind us once and for all. Hey, kiddo? You bet, Dad. I... [clears throat] Unless you think we need... closure? CIosure? What's to close here? Unless you think we need to close... - Not me. - It's closed! - I agree. Vacuum sealed. - Shut tight! OK, great, Dad. You... CIosure, I dunno. AII right. Enough fun. Good talk. Good talk, son. [straining] - Here, I'II give you a push. - Rock me a Iittle. Help me. - OK. - OK, I'm up. Hey. Good night, Ace. [clicks tongue] Here's the wind-up... and the pitch! Whoo-hoo! [cheering, Iaughing] [sighs] Thanks. Thanks for the chance. [whirring] [gasping] [grunting] Oh... [gasping] [whimpering] [Chicken Little] No! A piece of the sky?! Shaped Iike a stop sign?! Not again! [Buck] Hey! Son! You all right? I'm coming! I'm coming! I'm comin' upstairs! - What's wrong? - Nothing. You sure? I thought I heard you yell. No. Uh, I, uh... I fell out of bed. [Buck] Huh? - How'd you get over there? - Over where? - There. There! - Where? How'd you get over there? Who're we talking about? Never mind. What's the difference? Look, the past is behind us, right? - Mmm. - Tomorrow's gonna be a new day. [chuckling] [gasping] PIease be gone, please be gone, please be gone... [gasping] [gasping] Good. - [humming] - Ah! [panting] [shuddering] No. [humming] [gasping] - [grunting] - [humming] [humming] No. I gotta call Abby! [# Wannabe] - [Abby] Uh-huh. - [Runt] Uh-huh. # Yo, I'll tell you what I want What I really really want # Tell me what you want What you really really want # I'll tell you what I want What I really really want # So tell me what you want What you really really want # I wanna, I wanna I wanna, I wanna # Really really really wanna zigazig ah # If you wanna be my lover You gotta get with my friends - # Gotta get with my friends - # Make it last forever # Friendship never ends If you wanna be my lover # You have got to give - # Taking is too easy - [telephone ringing] - # But that's the way it is - Hello! Mallard residence. # Tell you what I want Runt! Quiet! I'm on the phone! # I wanna, I wanna I wanna, I wanna - # I wanna really... # - Runt! Oh... [clapping, gurgling] Hey! Where are you? - We already started. We were... - [Chicken Little] It opened up! What?! [Chicken Little] AII right, guys. Watch this. - Bizarre. - [Runt whimpering] OK. Lemme guess. You haven't told your dad yet. - Well... - I knew it! Why haven't you told him? There hasn't been - "you, your dad, talk-talk-talking." - There was talking. - There was definitely talking. - Really? What did he say? Uh... [mumbles gibberish] What? AII right, that's it. We are doing an intervention! You have got to stop messing around and deal with the problem! - She's right! - Abby, please. This is exactly what fell on me the first time. There's no way I'm bringing this up again. - No, he's not. - Runt! Sorry! I'm a gutless flip-flopper. OK. I'm sure there's a simple, Iogical explanation. I mean, it could be a piece of weather balloon, or maybe it's part of some experimental communications satellite. I don't care. I want it out of my Iife, gone for good. Everything back to normal. Hey, remember when that icy blue stuff fell from the sky? Everybody thought it was from space and stuff? And it just turned out to be frozen pee from a jet airplane. Yeah, that's right. It's frozen pee. Yeah. It's frozen pee. Pee, pee, pee, pee pee. - Could you stop saying that? - What? Pee? - Pee. - Tinkle? - Piddle? Wee-wee? - Whiz? OK, subject change. - Make pishee? - I don't care what it is! - [humming] - [gurgling] [Chicken Little] Are you gonna help me get rid of it or not? - [humming, beeping] - [gurgling] - [humming] - [explosion] - [electric humming] - [gurgling] FIying Fish! Take cover! Fish! - No! - Fish! - [gasping] - [gurgling] - [gasping] - Aaah! Come on, come on, come on! Wait, wait, whoa, son! Where's the fire here? Chicken Little has something to tell you! Tell him. He can handle it. Who're we talkin' about? - [sighing] - Uh... Gotta go, Dad! Bye! Ha! You got to be ready to Iisten to your children, even if they have nothing to say. - [Abby] Sit tight, Fish! - Fish! We will try to save you! - [panting] - Yeah! [grunting] [grunting, mumbling] I'm sorry! Wait! [panting] - [horn honks] - Sorry! - Curb! - Ay! [panting] [all panting] Fish! [Runt wheezing, gulping] [rumbling] [electrical fizzling] [winds gusting] [thunderclap] [humming] [screaming] Abby! Abby! Wake up! Come on! Let's get outta here! [beeping] [gasping] [garbled gurgling] [Runt] Oh, poor Fish! He's probably stuffed and mounted Iike an intergalactic trophy or... ...maybe he's a half-Iiving host implanted with their face-hugging embryo babies. One thing's for sure, man. He's gone! - Gone, man! - [gasping] Not yet! - [tapping] - [gurgling] Oh, snap. [electrical crackling] [Abby] Fish. [gulping, muffled burp] [squeaking] [gasping] Hey! What are you doing? Come on! Fish. Fish. Fish. - Fish. - [electric buzzing] - Where are you, Fish?! - Shh! I can't handle the pressure! Go on without me! - Runt. - You're just fine. I'II jeopardize the mission! Endanger us all! Throw me overboard while you still have a chance! Just Ieave me some ammo, Iittle water, some chips if you have 'em. Calm. OK, all right. Listen. - Where's your bag? - Everything's OK. - [Abby] Now breathe. - [Chicken Little] Breathe. - No, slowly. - SIowly. SIowly. OK. Now, just do the thing you do to relax. [Runt] # Well, you can tell by the way # I use my walk I'm a woman's man # No time to talk # Huh huh huh huh # Stayin' alive Stayin' alive # Aaah! - [gurgling] - [gasping] [gurgling] [all] Fish! [both] Fish! Are you OK? Did they hurt you? Say something! Don't tap the glass. They hate it when you do that. AII right, Iet's get out of here. Where's Runt? [whimpering] [Runt whimpering] [all gasp] We're next. [squealing] [Chicken Little] Run! OK! That's it! We're running back to your house. Tell your dad! OK! You're right, you're right! [electronic beeping] [screaming, garbled Ianguage] [screaming] # Stayin' alive Stayin' alive # Stayin' alive # - Oh, Runt! - [screaming] [Runt] Push! Push! No! - Runt! - No! Not pull! Push! We gotta get outta here right now! Come on... No! Come on, you guys! Hu... Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! OK, time out! So... [Iaughs] have you been to the mall? Come on, buddy. Come on, buddy. I'm sorry. Tension makes me bloat. [gasping] Come on, guys! Hurry, hurry, hurry! [gasping] - [whimpering] - [panting] [Chicken Little] Look out! Thanks! Curse these genetically tiny Iegs! Ohh! Aah! [burping] [Runt burping] [electronic beeping] [Runt whimpering] [beeping] [buzzing] What's that noise? [buzzing] Sorry. Nervous eater. - [Chicken Little] Run! - Wait! Fish! The school bell! We've got to ring the school bell to warn everyone! The school bell! We've got to ring the school bell to warn everyone! Come on! [panting] [Chicken Little] Hurry! Hurry! [Abby] Go! Go! - Aaah! - [panting] - [rustling] - [Runt whimpering] [grunting] It's Iocked! [breathless squeal] They're... they're comin'. I need a soda. [gasping] Come on, buddy. Come on, buddy! - The corner's wrinkled! - Why are we doing this? - Come on, take it, take it! - [dings] Yes! Come on! Work! Work! Work! You work! What happened? I blacked out there for a second. Ah! The sky is falling! The sky is falling! It was just an acorn. A little acorn! I can't tell you how embarrassed I am, folks. [Abby] Ring the bell! Come on, Chicken Little! Ring the bell! [electronic beeping] - [grunting] - [ringing] [panting, groaning] [chuckling] Huh? What? [stammering] Oh! [on TV] Now the weather with Riz. A cold front is moving in so... The alarm bell has been activated! Quick! Get a camera crew! - [bell ringing] - [crowd chattering] [electronic beeping] Chicken Little! You better have a good explanation for this! There's, there's... It's a... You have to... D'oh! Doo wah! What did he say? There's... It's a... You have to... D'oh... Doo wah. Follow me! Come on! Hurry! Hurry! AIiens here! AIiens here! It's... it's happening again. Come on! Hurry! Hurry! Come on. Come on. You're about to see it! [humming] [gasping] Quick! It's taking off! Come on! If you don't hurry, you're gonna miss it! Oh, Iook! A penny! - Guys! - Oh, right. [all yelling] - [chuckling] - Hurry! Hurry! Come on! Quick! It's taking off! Come on! Hurry up! PIease! It's right in... [reporter 1] What are we Iookin' for? - [reporter 2] I don't know. - [camera Iens buzzing] Uh, yeah. OK. I know this Iooks bad, but there's an invisible spaceship right there with aliens who are here to invade Earth! Let me show you. [grunting] Ooh, bad throw. OK, Iet me try again. - [all] Bad throw. - We all know I don't have a good arm, but there's these cloaking panels on the bottom. They make it disappear. One fell out of the sky and hit me right on the head. Oh, it's the acorn thing all over again. Eh, there's no story here. At Ieast we can sell the video to Chickens Gone Wild. - I'm telling ya, it was here! - No, wait! There were aliens! It's true! They had eyes... They're glowing and then tentacles! And maps with planets with X's through them! Aah! Runt, that's enough! Don't make Mommy take away your Streisand collection! Mom? You Ieave Barbra out of this! Why can't you keep that child of yours under control? What kind of parent are you? [Chicken Little] I'm telling the truth. Dad! Dad! I'm not making this up! You gotta believe me this time. [exhales] No, son. I don't. [chuckling] I can't tell you how embarrassed I am, folks. I'm really sorry about this, everyone. Looks Iike this is just a big, crazy misunderstanding. Well, other than the penny, this whole evening was a wash! Mr. CIuck, don't take it so hard. No one blames you. [gasping, panting] [sniffling, whimpers] - [rustling] - [gasping] [speaking alien Ianguage] [panting] [sputtering] [speaking alien Ianguage] [reporter] Reports of panic and mayhem are pouring in after yet another Chicken Little incident last night. In one instance, a family of lemmings was sent running in fear, but unable to find a cliff, they instead began throwing themselves [phone rings] - from the nearest park bench. - Hello? I'm sorry. Hello? I apologize. Hello? Give me a break! What? You were trampled? That's terrible. I thought rabbits' feet were supposed to be Iucky. - [on computer] You have hate mail. - Sorry. That wasn't very funny. - [computer] You have more hate mail. - Hi. What are you saying, sir? Your hate mail box is full. Oh, yes. I do see the skywriting there. Thank goodness the cloud blocked the Iast Ietter. Hello? - Hey! Watch your mouth. Yeah? - [woman speaking on phone] Oh, yeah? Well, I'd Iike to see you try. OK, I Iove you too, Mom. Bye. - [phone rings] - Hello? Really. Well... [sighs] [rustling] [rustling] If there was ever a time to talk to your dad... ...it's now. [sighs] It's too Iate for that. [Runt sobbing] It's too Iate, baby, now it's too Iate. [sobbing] Though they really did try to make it. - Runt. - [sobbing] Just think about it. Something inside has died and they just can't hide and they just can't fake it. Oh, no, no. [alien sniffling] Runt, I really just want to be alone right now. [sputtering] [sobbing] - [screaming] - Oh! Abby! Runt! Fish! Look! There! Look there! Look there! - What is that thing?! - Look at that! [all screaming] - [gurgles] - [screaming stops] - [gurgling] - [gibberish] - His name is Kirby? - They Ieft him behind? Darth Vader is Luke's father? [Kirby sniffling] No, don't... Come on, come on, don't cry. We're here for you. We're gonna do whatever it takes to get you back home. - Here, blow. - [horn honks] OK. [chuckling] [stammering] See, guys? He's cool. He was just freaked out. That's all. Ah-choo! - [speaks alien Ianguage] - [rumbling] - [speaks alien Ianguage] - [rumbling] [cracking] - [cracking] - [electrical crackling] [tires screeching] [humming] Whoa. Run! [screaming] [Kirby gasping] [speaking alien Ianguage] - Those are your parents? - [Fish gurgling] And they brought the galactic armada? [Kirby speaking alien Ianguage] - Watch out for the kid! Don't hit him! - There you are. Get in the car. - I gotta tell you something. - What? I know, I know! You were right! AIien invasion. I see that now. Look up! There it is! Dad, you know, about that... [chuckling] - It's actually a rescue mission. - Rescue mission? This alien kid was Ieft and they're coming back to get him! We have to help him, 'cause if we don't, who else will? What?! Ugh! Forget it. You wouldn't believe me anyway. Son! Son, come back! Son! Chicken Little! Mr. CIuck! Wait! He's telling the truth! He is! [gasping] Given his track record, we understand why you don't believe him! [# R.E.M.: It's The End Of The World As We Know It] # It's the end of the world as we know it # It's the end of the world as we know it [speaking alien Ianguage] [alarm buzzing] # And I feel fine # It's the end of the world as we know it # It's the end of the world as we know it # It's the end of the world as we know it # And I feel fine # [zapping] [screaming] Watch out for the kid! No! Don't! Don't hit him! Don't hit... Look out! [gasping] - [gasping] - [horn honking] - [grunting] - [sputtering] Whew! - [Buck] Chicken Little! - [screaming] - [Buck] Chicken Little! - [screaming] What? Where's your head? We gotta get outta here! Come on! Come... - You, with the running and the jumping! - Dad. No, wait. What are you guys doing? We gotta get outta here! It's Iike War of the Worlds out there! - Stop pulling! - Just Iisten to me for one second! - It's not dangerous! - We are under attack! Will you two stop messing around and deal with the problem? [panting] - You're never there for me! - What? OK, that's not what I had in mind, but... You're never there for me. I mean, you were when I won the game, but not when I thought the sky fell. And not at the ball field and not now! This is good! Keep going. Keep going! You've been ashamed since the acorn thing. We have to talk because Modern Mallard says avoiding closure can Iead to molting. I'm already small and I don't think I could handle being bald! I... I... I didn't... ...realize, son. I-I never meant to... The acorn, the sky, I mean, the whole... [sighs] You're right. You're right. [sighing, chuckling] Y... Your mom, she was... You know, she was always good with stuff Iike this. [sighing] Me... [chuckles] ...I'm gonna need a Iot of work. [Buck sighs] But you need to know that I Iove you, no matter what. And I'm sorry I... And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel Iike that was something... ...you had to earn. - [chuckling] - [rumbling] Uh... uh... [stammering] And we're good. Let's go. Let's go. OK, Dad. AII we gotta do is return helpless Iittle Kirby. AII we gotta do is return helpless Iittle Kirby. [squeaks] [Iaughing] Return this whatever it is? This is crazy! Crazy! Crazy wonderful! Just tell me what you need me to do. - Do you really mean it? - You bet! Anything, son. Come on, Dad. We've got a planet to save! Crazy supportive. That's me! Ohh! This thing Iikes to nibble, doesn't it? [chuckling] By the way, I'd Iike to say I've always found you extremely attractive! [chuckling] Now that's closure. [screaming] Wait! Wait! What's goin' on?! [chuckling] [gasping] Oh, they've given her an alien mind-wipe! Aaah! OK, son. What do we do now? Uh, OK. This is a piece of cake, Dad. AII we have to do is take the kid down the street to the giant metal alien. - [tires screeching] - [horn honking] We surrender! Here! Take the key to the city! - [zapping] - Key to my car? - [zapping] - Tic Tac? - [zapping] - [gasping] - [Kirby babbling] - Forget plan A! [Kirby squeaking] - [electronic beeping] - Uh-oh. [buzzing] - [zapping] - [sirens wailing] OK, OK, what now, son? Who, by the way, I support 1 00 percent. - Uh, plan B? - Ha-ha! Of course! PIan B! - What is plan B? - [Kirby jabbering] What? You have to go to the bathroom? You want juice? A snack? Corn dog on a stick? Want to play some golf? What do you want?! I stink at this. I'm a horrible father. - [Kirby speaks alien Ianguage] - No, no, I am. Poo-tee-tah. Oh. Is that your parents? Pooteetah, pooteetah. [sputtering] That's it, Dad! PIan B! AII we have to do is weave through traffic through town square while avoiding death rays from alien robots. We get to Town Hall, climb up to the roof and give the kid back to its parents. - [girl screaming] - [crashing] Yeah! Charge! [zapping] Wow! [jabbering] [zapping] [electronic droning] [zapping] - [clanging] - [Buck] A-ha! Now that's what I call takin' out the trash! [rumbling] [gasping] - OK, son. Now what? - [siren wails] Fire truck! - [siren wailing] - [Iaughing] [both] PIan C! [gurgling] Runt, no! Turn around! - Go back to Town Hall! - But they'II vaporize us! [gurgling] - You want me to do what? - Runt, just do it! It'II work! [Chicken Little] We'II survive! I will survive? Brake, Abby! - [# I Will Survive] - OK. - FIoor it! - [giggles] Boink. [zapping] Deploy Iadder, Fish! [ringing] [Runt] # I'll survive # I will survive Hey, hey # - [Buck] PIan D. - [Kirby] PIan D! - Yeah! - Yeah! [panting] Thighs hurting. Drumsticks burning. But Ioving you! [groaning] Full support! [Kirby squeaks] [grunting] I can't get out! Come back, son! We can't go out this way! It's dangerous. - No, Dad, I can do this! - It's too dangerous. I can do this. I can. You gotta believe me this time. I... I do, son. OK, hang on tight. - Yes! - Here's your kid! Look over here! Here's your kid! He's OK! - [jabbering] - [electronic droning] [Chicken Little] He's all right! Stop the invasion! Son! Son! Aaaah! [chuckling] - I'm here, son! - Dad! Look out! Get away from my boy! Get away! - [both] The mighty Acorns... - [zapping] [both yelling] - [sucking] - [gasping] [gasping] Tic Tac? Why did you take our child? Hey, hey! Just... [gulps] Just hold on there, buddy! My son did not take your kid! You were the one that Ieft him behind! That's bad parenting! And I should know! Silence! [echoing] Release the child! - OK. - OK, OK. [sputtering] Sweetheart! Oh, Kirby, I'm so happy to see you! My darling! - [sighs] That was close. - At Ieast they're back together. They got their kid. You have violated intergalactic Iaw 9021 0! A charge punishable by immediate particle disintegration! Oh, snap. [jabbering] - Hmm? What's that? - [jabbering] Hmm. I... I don't quite... Melvin, honey? He's saying they're telling the truth. It was just a misunderstanding. [Kirby jabbering] Well, then. This is awkward. - Yes, it is. - I suppose I should... - Put the big guns away? - Yes, yes. - Now put them down. - Of course. - And turn off your big voice. - But I don't... - Turn it off. - But... But I don't get to use the big voice very often! Melvin. Yes, dear. Hi. Uh, anyone want to try the big voice? [Melvin Iaughing] Again, I cannot tell you how sorry we are for this whole misunderstanding. Oh, dear goodness. We are so very sorry. We are. And if it hadn't been for your son there, well, we might have vaporized the whole planet. - What? - [gasping] Goodness! What a shame that would have been. Where else would we pick our acorns? - We stop on the way to the in-Iaws. - Every year. Looked on all the other planets. You only find them on Earth. Just as it says here on your primitive graphic display. - That caught our eyes. - [police siren] OK, everything's been put back to normal, except for this one, over here. - Hi, y'all! - [gasping] Foxy? # Lollipop, lollipop Oh, lolli lolli lolli # Lollipop... She got her brainwaves scrambled during reconstitution. No worries! We can put her back the way she was. No! She's perfect. # Lollipop! Lollipop! # - Scary. - Whoops! Darling! Look at the time! We better get a move on. AII right, then. It was good meetin' ya. Sorry for the whole full-scale invasion thing. But, hey, I'm a dad. You know how it is with your kids. When they need ya, you do whatever it takes. [sighs] There goes that panel again. Every year we come, this thing falls off. Someday it's going to hit somebody on the head. - [gasping] - Nonsense! You can't return the panel. - Now that's ridiculous. - You threw away the receipt again. [echoing] Silence! Melvin, did you just try and use the big voice on me? [Melvin] Um... uh... Who we talkin' about? So I'd Iike to see the movie they make about you now. So I'd Iike to see the movie they make about you now. I just hope they stay true to what really happened. Oh, son, these people are from Hollywood! Oh, son, these people are from Hollywood! One thing they'II never do is mess with a good story. is mess with a good story. [alarm buzzing] Red alert! Man your battle stations! Status report, Mr. Fish. Commander Little, the evil Foxloxian Army has broken through the planet's atmosphere. [gasps] But that means... Yes, I know. The sky... is falling. Commander Little! No! PIease... call me... ...Ace. Oh, Ace! No! I never intended to bring you into this... Abby. - Runt, do you copy? - Yes, commander? Runt, my friend, an alien fleet is about to invade Earth. Civilization as we know it depends on me and, to a Iesser extent... you. So I've just got one question for you: Are you ready to rock? Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley Iow... [# Diana Ross: Ain't No Mountain High Enough] [Little] Raise your pork shield, Runt. Prepare to engage. [Little] Stay on target. Stay on target! Give 'em a taste of the other white meat! - [Runt] Cap'n! Look out! - [audience gasps] [Little] Runt! Runt, are you all right? [Runt] No, no. Ya gotta go on without me, commander. [panting] Just leave me some ammo, a little water, some chips if you have 'em. - This is amazingly accurate. - [gurgles] [Commander Little crying] He was my good friend. Oh, Abby. At least I still have you... Abby. - [Abby] Ace! - [Little] Abby. - Ace! - Abby. Ace! Good people of Oakey Oaks. Though at times it may feel like the sky is falling around you, never give up. For every day... is a new day! [crowd] A new day! # Ain't no mountain high enough # Ain't no valley low enough Oh, Ace! # To keep me from you # Ain't no mountain high enough # Ain't no valley low enough # Ain't no river wild enough # To keep me from you - [whistling] - # Ain't no mountain high enough # Nothing can keep me # Keep me from you # Ain't no mountain high enough # Nothing can keep me - # Keep me from you - [cheering] # Ain't no mountain high enough # Ain't no valley low enough # Ain't no river wild enough # To keep me from you - [cheering] - [applause] - [cheering] - [applause] # Nothing in this world # Can keep me from you, babe # Just call my name # [# Don't Go Breaking My Heart] # Don't go breaking my heart # I couldn't if I tried # Oh, honey, if I get restless # Baby, you're not that kind # Oooh # And nobody knows it - # When I was down - # I was your clown # Oooh # And nobody knows it # Nobody knows # Right from the start # I gave you my heart # Ahhh # I gave you my heart [gurgling in tune] [Runt] # Don't go breaking my heart [Foxy] # I won't go breaking your heart [both] # Don't go breaking my Don't go breaking my # Don't go breaking my heart # Don't go breaking my Don't go breaking my # I won't go breaking your heart - # Don't go breaking my - Baa. - # Don't go breaking my - Baa. # Don't go breaking my heart Come on, Runt. You can do it. # Don't go breaking my I won't go breaking your heart - # Don't go breaking my - [panting] - # Don't go breaking my - You got to act quickly, Dad. Try this. - # Don't go breaking my - There you go! - # Don't go breaking my - There it is! # I won't go breaking your heart - [Kirby, Morkubine beatboxing] - I'm having fun now! # Don't go breaking my heart # That was great! Let's sing it again!
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